Earlier in life I used to have far more of an aversion toward ‘gross things’, but I’ve noticed that this aversion experience still comes up in moments, especially in relation to areas of my environment where I am the primary inhabitant, and wherein I have a high degree of control over my environment – as opposed to when I lived on a farm with lots of animals and people and didn’t so much have that ‘luxury’ of being in control to the same degree. So I decided to really open it up and look at the nature of this kind of aversion, and where it comes from. Here are some Self Forgiveness statements that opened up through looking at this point:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, resist, loathe, and resent ‘gross things’ affecting my experience of the moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and resist ‘gross things’ as defined by substances and fluids coming from humans, animals, plants – that have a slimy, mucusy, wet, moldy, poopy texture and appearance, and / or a bad, pungent smell, and which can contain germs and bacteria that could possibly make me sick, making it necessary to wash my hands after touching such substances / creating the ‘inconvenience’ of having to wash and clean things that have become ‘contaminated’ by the gross substance.
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear coming into contact with and being affected by such ‘gross’ substances
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, judge, and resent being ‘inconvenienced by gross things’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within standing in separation from ‘gross substances’ through fear, aversion, resistance, and judgment — not realize that I am trying to / wanting to control ‘my experience of the moment’, believing that I have ‘my own moment’ which I have complete control over
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I don’t in fact have ‘my own moment’ that I have complete control of according to my preferences — but where, since other beings, and things, and substances, are able to enter the moment and affect my experience of the moment — that shows that it’s not MY moment — it’s THE moment – in which I am experiencing / part of not only ‘myself as my inner experience and my own physical experience’ — but I am experiencing and I am part of all that which is HERE physically in a given moment — and that in judging, fearing, and resisting ‘gross and uncomfortable things’, and wanting to control my experience of the moment to avoid all possible ‘gross, uncomfortable things’ — I am in a point of Self Interest – trying to / wanting to exist in ‘my own reality’ in which I have control over my experience completely / trying to separate myself from something I am in fact a part of / connected to.
Not that I can’t prefer and enjoy to keep things clean and prevent grossness where possible – it’s more about being able to embrace such things when and as they happen – without resisting or fearing or judging or shrinking away from it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am encountering gross things, I am encountering something I am a part of, as the physical, and which is a part of me, as the physical – as that which is real, that which is Here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, and desire to exist within my ‘own reality’ wherein I can avoid and exclude parts of what is HERE from my experience
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my rooms, my house, my car, my work space, is actually MINE and part of MY OWN reality, instead of realizing that ‘my environments’ are part of THIS reality, this ONE reality as the PHYSICAL, and that I do not actually OWN or POSSESS any space that I am in
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I encounter ‘gross things’ in a moment, I have the opportunity to consider the nature of that thing’s existence – where did it come from, what creates it, what is its role and purpose within the physical / biological reality, and what also may it be indicating / showing / representing about our nature as beings and how we are creating ourselves, and our relationship with nature / the physical
I commit myself to embrace the grossness of this reality
I commit myself to embrace the grossness of myself
I commit myself to embrace the grossness of others, and to remind myself that gross things – just as with violence, war, poverty, inequality, abuse – are part of how we as all as one as equal exist at the moment, and therefore common sense is to integrate all things as myself, from the biggest to the smallest, to the grossest – and accept it as myself and stop standing in separation from / of it
Recommended reading – articles covering a multitude of topics related to our existence, life, death, the afterlife, existential history, humanity, consciousness, physical reality, etc…: https://desteni.org/desteni-material/blog
Existential Library covering virtually every aspect and dimension of our existence: https://eqafe.com/