Carrying around Knowledge as a self definition is like hanging onto a ledge — this ledge is who I am! I must hang onto this ledge because this ledge makes me who I am! This ledge gives me value, importance, purpose! With this ledge in my grasp, I feel that I am pulling myself up – higher! My Knowledge makes me More! I have a sense of stability because I have this knowledge to hold onto and refer to — I “Know where I stand”. And, the more Knowledge we accumulate and assimilate into our definition of ourselves / our ‘Identity’ — the more ledges we have to ‘stand on’ – the more we ‘know where we stand’. But – with that there tends to come the fear of my Ledge / Knowledge being invalidated / taken away / destroyed – because then who would I be??? Therefore, we tend to hold tighter to our knowledge when challenged, seeking to make the other person’s ledge crumble so that we can maintain our position. Our Now-Ledge Also keeps us trapped in the Now of the Mind (present experience defined by past, creating the future as the past) — Like, we know that in the past we used to not know as much, and we remember feeling inferior, disempowered and frustrated when we didn’t know as much as someone else, and we know that, according to the value system of our world, the more knowledge I have, the ‘more value and position and empowerment I gain’, so we seek more and more knowledge, to make our ledges bigger and bigger and easier and easier to hold onto.
( There may be a more effective and specific analogy / way of describing the design of knowledge-as-self-definition, but this is what way it opened up for me lol )
The problem with being held in the Now of Knowledge is that we’re not free to be able to really be Here as Awareness. For example, in the Now of Knowledge, if someone of ‘lesser knowledge than me’ makes a suggestion, or offers a criticism or feedback that challenges ‘what I know’ — we tend to immediately react within judgment towards this person, becoming defensive and seeking to invalidate their view in some way, in order to continue protecting and substantiating our self definition as ‘what I know’ in ‘the now of my Knowledge’. Whereas, if ‘what I know’ doesn’t define me — if my value, my purpose, my sense of self is not dependent on or defined by ‘what I know’ – then I’m free to Hear the person – no matter what their ‘level of knowledge compared to mine’ — and really consider what they are saying — which enables me to be open to seeing angles and dimensions of things which I may not have considered or seen = I am more HERE in the moment, as Awareness. Where, as Awareness – I can Look at things and evaluate things equally / without bias — because I’m not immediately sorting / categorizing peoples’ words into ‘they know less than me’, ‘they know as much as me’, ‘they know more than me’, ‘their words confirm my knowledge’, ‘their words deny my knowledge’.
The more we define ourselves according to our Knowledge and hold onto our Knowledge – the more we define and limit our Seeing — to fit only within the parameters of our Knowledge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that knowledge is merely a tool – words as Containers of meaning which fit together to form concepts / ideas / applications / theories / principles — and therefore when I define myself according to knowledge – I’m Containing myself within my knowledge.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into the idea that the more knowledge and information I accumulate and gather about things, the more Power and Status and Importance and Validity and Authority I have — where, I bought into this idea because I want to feel and experience myself to be ‘becoming more and moving up higher’ within a Hierarchy of ‘Knowing about things’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing as much as others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing arguments and debates
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because I never resolved my fears of losing and being inferior — manifest the desire and want and need to be right, to know more, to be more authoritative than others — and to accumulate and define myself according to knowledge in order to gain the ability to win and be right and to experience myself as being authoritative and ‘knowing more than others’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see that whenever I judge a person’s words as being not valid, simply because they ‘know less than me’ = I am accessing an aspect of my self definition / self image that I am wanting to protect / survive as, based on ‘what I know’
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if my knowledge cannot be placed into actual living application – for example, learning about Self Forgiveness and then putting it into application so that it actually becomes part of myself / an expression of myself — then it is merely ideas and information – and should be viewed as something that can change or adapt or be dropped at any time – not as ‘my identity’
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my actual primary, foundational Identity is — Me – myself, Here, as Awareness, as Life. And as Myself Here, as Awareness, as Life – I am now able to move myself to learn about things, evaluate information, try things out, express myself — and that which actually becomes part of me as a Self Expression – for example Self Forgiveness — I do not need to ‘carry around with me’ as ‘knowledge’ — as in, ‘I remember and know lots of stuff about self forgiveness, and because I remember and know lots of stuff about self forgiveness, therefore I AM an authority on self forgiveness’ — if I make that part of my Self Definition, where I see myself as ‘more’ because of ‘what I know about self forgiveness’ — then if someone with less experience or knowledge about self forgiveness comes along and points out where my forgiveness wasn’t effective for example, or challenges or disagrees with my views about self forgiveness – I’m then going to become defensive and seek to validate / assert myself as knowledge / as ‘what I know’. Whereas, if my experiences with self forgiveness don’t ‘define me’ — I’m free to hear the person’s words, and – maybe I’ll see something / learn something I didn’t consider, and / or – simply express myself / share myself — doesn’t matter how vigorously they disagree – if I’ve actually lived something and I’m not defined by the ‘knowledge of what I’ve lived’ within a positive self judgment / point of self image, – I’ll be able to express it without any reaction toward the person.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can be both living something / applying my knowledge and thus have actual insights to share direct as myself / from myself — and also at the same time be defining myself according to ‘what I’ve experienced’, and ‘the results I’ve achieved’ for example. And thus it doesn’t matter how much I’m actually living something — I must always be willing / able to reflect / look at myself / check myself to see — have I turned this thing I’m living into a point of positive self image based on ‘what I know’?
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that, that which is Real of myself – I always have access to express and share and reference — I don’t need to ‘carry it around’ as ‘what I know’, as a way to create an experience of ‘authority’. If I’m truly an authority on something — then it doesn’t need to define me / I don’t need to ‘protect’ my authority — because authority is not an ‘experience’ based on accumulated knowledge — it’s an outcome / effect of actually living / becoming / seeing something in fact – – and where, within that, the word ‘Authority’ is kind of irrelevant. Because, what’s important is what is being shared — not the status / level of knowledge accumulation of the person sharing.
I commit myself to use knowledge practically, not as an Identity. I commit myself to assist and support myself to remind myself that I am Here as Awareness, and that I don’t need to create a Now-Ledge.
Reptilians – Giving up Knowledge for Life – Part 42
https://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-giving-up-knowledge-for-life-part-42